"Astle, you are not going to believe what happened to me this weekend. This is by far and away the best story I have ever had." Roy Compton was a living legend in Greenwood County. So much in fact that no one ever called him Roy - it was just Legend. "Legend, what happened?" I say with a hint of curiosity. Truth be told, I knew exactly what was happening, he was preparing to share another narrative about his sex life with me. But I always acted surprised. It helped with the effect.
"My cousin in Wichita called me Thursday and told me to get my ass down there. He had a couple of girls that he wanted me to meet. I figured what the hell. I had not been to Wichita in a while, so I headed down over the weekend. I get there and he calls a couple of his party girl friends." Legend had a way of telling stories that was equal to no other. It was as if he was a kid who caught a really big fish and was so excited about it that you would think he was going to piss his pants talking about it. He was that good at it! - He then says, "All of us go out on the town and get tore up. And then we head back to my cousins for the after party." The grin on his face got wider and wider as the story progressed. It was a nuance that I grew to love about him.
By this time I am in a trance listening to his tale, he then goes on to add, "My cousin, me and the two party girls all take a few shots of Jack. And then my cousin passes out cold on the kitchen floor," by this time the grin on his face is so wide that I was for sure he was going to stretch the diameter of his face another four inches. "I try waking him but he is long gone," he says quickly, "Anyways, I start chatting with these two chicks and they start talking naughty to me. They wanted to know if I had ever been in a threesome and then they start teasing me, saying things like, 'You're not man enough to handle it." Sometimes I was for sure he was concocting things and initially would refuse to believe him. And then I would do a little snooping for myself. Sure enough, he was always telling the truth. "What happened! Are you going to make me guess? Or are you going to finish the story?" I tell him as he is pausing to catch his breath. He then says, "I told these two hussies that 'talk was cheap.' And if they were ready for it - so was I. After I said that, one of them tells me this, 'We are going into the bedroom. Why don't you give us a few minutes and then bring your naughty ass in there."
He wasn't overly good looking. His charm was minimal. To a number of my comrades and me, it will forever remain a mystery on how he did it...I guess that's why everyone called him Legend - "Well, I wait exactly five minutes and then I head into my cousins room," What he told me next will forever be etched into the lore of Greenwood County history, "Both of these chicks are sitting naked on the end of the bed smiling at me. I thought for sure my dipstick was going to grow a pair of hands and undress the rest of my body. That's when one of them says, 'You can't do this with your clothes on. Turn out the lights after you are done.' I undress in record time, flip the light switch and jump right into the middle of them!"
By this point in the story his face was bright purple. Again, this is how enthusiastic he would become gloating about one of his conquests. "Before I know it, I am on my back and one of them takes a seat on my goatee. The other is going down on me. A few minutes pass and they switch positions. For a minute, I thought I was going to have to break out a whistle and start directing traffic." His latter comment drew a loud fit of laughter from me. I suddenly had a mental image of him wearing a police cap with a whistle in his mouth. And nothing else on. "Astle, all night long, that's all the three of us did. One position after another, after another. It was pure bliss. You want to hear the funny part of it?" That was the thing I loved most about his stories...there was always a funny part. "My cousin finally wakes from his drunken stupor and walks into the room. When he flipped the light on - me and these two bitches were sandwiched in a fetal position. He then looks at what was happening in disbelief and shuts the door. He was so fucking drunk he couldn't believe his own eyes."
When I was young, this was way before the internet, Penthouse Forum was the avenue every guy at Madison High dreamed of someday being able to share a story in. Well, since I never had any stories of my own to share, I decided to tell a few about Legend. I wasn't that great of writer, but I did my best. Anyways, every month I would check to see if any of the stories I had sent them sounded familiar. I hate to say this but none of them ever made it to publication. At least none that I know of. Looking back, I believe they probably had too many libretto's to choose from. Good thing I have a blog to write in nowadays.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Friday, August 1, 2014
The living legend of Greenwood County.
"Astle, did I ever tell you about the time I bedded three girls in one day?" Roy Compton was a living legend in Greenwood County. So much in fact that no one ever called him Roy - it was simply Legend. "You were with three different girls in one day Legend? How in the world did you manage to pull something like that off?" If anyone of my other buddies would have made such a statement, I would have started laughing and immediately called them a liar. But Legend was unlike any other guy I knew at the time! "Let's hear the story," I say with an eager tone in my voice.
"About a week ago I was in Emporia and I ran into this gal I knew at the mall. We start bullshitting and she then tells me her parents are gone for the night and I should come over for a dip in her pool," it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where this story was headed. "We head over to her place and then she tells me to hold on for a minute while she changes. And then she comes out wearing a bikini. She then says something to the effect of how she has always thought I was hot and how she wanted to be with me. The next thing you know I have her bent over a wicker chair and...well, you get the rest of the story."
It was always funny watching him brag about his sexual endeavors. He would always tell the story with a bundle of enthusiasm. It was like he was trying out for a part in the school play or something of that nature. "OK, that's one. Where did the other two come from?" I ask with a wide grin on my face. "After I was through, I went over to this other gals place," he goes on to add,"I had banged her a couple of times before. But I didn't really have it in mind when I went over there. I had left a watch at her place the other night and I wanted to retrieve it. Anyways, I show up and knock on the door and she answers the door wearing nothing but a towel. She invites me in and then says, 'Hold on, your watch is in my room.' She walks back to her room and then comes out a minute later with nothing on but my watch. She then says, 'If you want your watch your going to have to take it from me in the shower. I follow her into bathroom; strip off all my clothes, jump in the shower and...well, you get the gist." Legend was a walking, talking Penthouse Forum section. It was astonishing the amount of women he would copulate with on a regular basis. "OK, that's two. Where did the third one come from?" Right after I asked, he smiled and told me this:
"Now I am tired. All the fucking wore me out. All I wanted to do was go home; kick my feet in the air, get something cold to drink and soak my boulders in warm water. But as fate would have it, I still had one more round in me. You remember Sally? She was friends with that other chick I used to bang - Nellie." I racked my brain for a minute and then her image came to me. "No shit! You banged Sally. She's the gal from Kansas City. The one that works at the bar. Holy shit! She is smoking hot." The gal he was about to tell me about was a real looker. I was immediately envious. "She calls me and tells me to come over to her place," he says with a grin on his face, "She had made a surprise dinner for me. Anyways, a soldiers work is never done. So I trounce over to her apartment on the south side of town and when I arrive she has dinner on the table for me. We eat dinner and watch a movie. After the movie was over, I told her that I would catch her later and she says - 'Where the hell do you think you're going.' The next thing you know both of us are naked and I am knee deep with a third different bitch in less than twenty four hours. It was awesome!"
Joe Cool, Tom Slick, Danny California, Jayball - Las Vegas is stuffed full with womanizers and players. I feel absolutely certain about saying this - "When I look back and think about the exploits of my friend Legend. I have no doubt he could hold his own against any of the Lotharios Las Vegas has to offer."
"About a week ago I was in Emporia and I ran into this gal I knew at the mall. We start bullshitting and she then tells me her parents are gone for the night and I should come over for a dip in her pool," it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where this story was headed. "We head over to her place and then she tells me to hold on for a minute while she changes. And then she comes out wearing a bikini. She then says something to the effect of how she has always thought I was hot and how she wanted to be with me. The next thing you know I have her bent over a wicker chair and...well, you get the rest of the story."
It was always funny watching him brag about his sexual endeavors. He would always tell the story with a bundle of enthusiasm. It was like he was trying out for a part in the school play or something of that nature. "OK, that's one. Where did the other two come from?" I ask with a wide grin on my face. "After I was through, I went over to this other gals place," he goes on to add,"I had banged her a couple of times before. But I didn't really have it in mind when I went over there. I had left a watch at her place the other night and I wanted to retrieve it. Anyways, I show up and knock on the door and she answers the door wearing nothing but a towel. She invites me in and then says, 'Hold on, your watch is in my room.' She walks back to her room and then comes out a minute later with nothing on but my watch. She then says, 'If you want your watch your going to have to take it from me in the shower. I follow her into bathroom; strip off all my clothes, jump in the shower and...well, you get the gist." Legend was a walking, talking Penthouse Forum section. It was astonishing the amount of women he would copulate with on a regular basis. "OK, that's two. Where did the third one come from?" Right after I asked, he smiled and told me this:
"Now I am tired. All the fucking wore me out. All I wanted to do was go home; kick my feet in the air, get something cold to drink and soak my boulders in warm water. But as fate would have it, I still had one more round in me. You remember Sally? She was friends with that other chick I used to bang - Nellie." I racked my brain for a minute and then her image came to me. "No shit! You banged Sally. She's the gal from Kansas City. The one that works at the bar. Holy shit! She is smoking hot." The gal he was about to tell me about was a real looker. I was immediately envious. "She calls me and tells me to come over to her place," he says with a grin on his face, "She had made a surprise dinner for me. Anyways, a soldiers work is never done. So I trounce over to her apartment on the south side of town and when I arrive she has dinner on the table for me. We eat dinner and watch a movie. After the movie was over, I told her that I would catch her later and she says - 'Where the hell do you think you're going.' The next thing you know both of us are naked and I am knee deep with a third different bitch in less than twenty four hours. It was awesome!"
Joe Cool, Tom Slick, Danny California, Jayball - Las Vegas is stuffed full with womanizers and players. I feel absolutely certain about saying this - "When I look back and think about the exploits of my friend Legend. I have no doubt he could hold his own against any of the Lotharios Las Vegas has to offer."
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