"Astle, you are not going to believe what happened to me this weekend. This is by far and away the best story I have ever had." Roy Compton was a living legend in Greenwood County. So much in fact that no one ever called him Roy - it was just Legend. "Legend, what happened?" I say with a hint of curiosity. Truth be told, I knew exactly what was happening, he was preparing to share another narrative about his sex life with me. But I always acted surprised. It helped with the effect.
"My cousin in Wichita called me Thursday and told me to get my ass down there. He had a couple of girls that he wanted me to meet. I figured what the hell. I had not been to Wichita in a while, so I headed down over the weekend. I get there and he calls a couple of his party girl friends." Legend had a way of telling stories that was equal to no other. It was as if he was a kid who caught a really big fish and was so excited about it that you would think he was going to piss his pants talking about it. He was that good at it! - He then says, "All of us go out on the town and get tore up. And then we head back to my cousins for the after party." The grin on his face got wider and wider as the story progressed. It was a nuance that I grew to love about him.
By this time I am in a trance listening to his tale, he then goes on to add, "My cousin, me and the two party girls all take a few shots of Jack. And then my cousin passes out cold on the kitchen floor," by this time the grin on his face is so wide that I was for sure he was going to stretch the diameter of his face another four inches. "I try waking him but he is long gone," he says quickly, "Anyways, I start chatting with these two chicks and they start talking naughty to me. They wanted to know if I had ever been in a threesome and then they start teasing me, saying things like, 'You're not man enough to handle it." Sometimes I was for sure he was concocting things and initially would refuse to believe him. And then I would do a little snooping for myself. Sure enough, he was always telling the truth. "What happened! Are you going to make me guess? Or are you going to finish the story?" I tell him as he is pausing to catch his breath. He then says, "I told these two hussies that 'talk was cheap.' And if they were ready for it - so was I. After I said that, one of them tells me this, 'We are going into the bedroom. Why don't you give us a few minutes and then bring your naughty ass in there."
He wasn't overly good looking. His charm was minimal. To a number of my comrades and me, it will forever remain a mystery on how he did it...I guess that's why everyone called him Legend - "Well, I wait exactly five minutes and then I head into my cousins room," What he told me next will forever be etched into the lore of Greenwood County history, "Both of these chicks are sitting naked on the end of the bed smiling at me. I thought for sure my dipstick was going to grow a pair of hands and undress the rest of my body. That's when one of them says, 'You can't do this with your clothes on. Turn out the lights after you are done.' I undress in record time, flip the light switch and jump right into the middle of them!"
By this point in the story his face was bright purple. Again, this is how enthusiastic he would become gloating about one of his conquests. "Before I know it, I am on my back and one of them takes a seat on my goatee. The other is going down on me. A few minutes pass and they switch positions. For a minute, I thought I was going to have to break out a whistle and start directing traffic." His latter comment drew a loud fit of laughter from me. I suddenly had a mental image of him wearing a police cap with a whistle in his mouth. And nothing else on. "Astle, all night long, that's all the three of us did. One position after another, after another. It was pure bliss. You want to hear the funny part of it?" That was the thing I loved most about his stories...there was always a funny part. "My cousin finally wakes from his drunken stupor and walks into the room. When he flipped the light on - me and these two bitches were sandwiched in a fetal position. He then looks at what was happening in disbelief and shuts the door. He was so fucking drunk he couldn't believe his own eyes."
When I was young, this was way before the internet, Penthouse Forum was the avenue every guy at Madison High dreamed of someday being able to share a story in. Well, since I never had any stories of my own to share, I decided to tell a few about Legend. I wasn't that great of writer, but I did my best. Anyways, every month I would check to see if any of the stories I had sent them sounded familiar. I hate to say this but none of them ever made it to publication. At least none that I know of. Looking back, I believe they probably had too many libretto's to choose from. Good thing I have a blog to write in nowadays.
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