"Astle, I met this girl from Iola last week at the lake. I can't get her off my mind. All I can think about is how much I want to perform fellatio on her." Rude, crude, obnoxious, belligerent - the list was long for my old high school chum Arthole. I can promise you one thing with absolute certainty, a genius he was not! "Arthole, what did you just say?" I asked quizzically. "What are you death Astle? I said, 'I met a girl last week and I want to perform fellatio on her.' Every time I think about her I get hornier than a five pecker jackrabbit." After he repeats the statement, I realize his mistake immediately. "OK Arthole," I say with a bit of amusement in my tone, "I think I understand what you are saying. You met this girl and you want to go down on her. Is that correct?" He nods violently in agreement. I then ask if he was positive that he wanted to perform fellatio on her. He nods violently in agreement again. I then inform him of this, "Arthole, are you telling me that you want to suck this girls penis?" He looks at me and says, "Astle, why are you acting like a moron? Don't be a fucking idiot." I then instruct him to follow me to the library.
We walk into the library; grab the big dictionary; flip to the page where it defines fellatio and then I read the definition out loud for him. "The act of stimulating a man's penis with the mouth for pleasure." I then show him the definition in print as to leave no doubt in his feeble little mind. "Are you sure you want to suck this girls penis?" I say with a hearty laugh. "My brother is the one who gave me the word. I didn't know," he tells me with a confused look on his face. The only guy dumber than Arthole at Madison High was his brother Del...everyone called him Deldo. "Look, genius," I say with a wry smile, "Why don't you get your brother in here and I will read the definition of fellatio to him. I am pretty sure the word you two Einstein's are looking for is cunnilingus. You want to perform cunnilingus on her, not fellatio." I then take the liberty of looking up the definition and sure enough it read as follows. "A sexual activity in which female genitalia is stimulated by a partner's lips and tongue."
He takes a minute or so to absorb things and then says - "How do you say that again? Cunningit, cunnigleekit." I shake my head at his futile attempts and then tell him to repeat after me. "Cunnilingus, cunnilingus, cunnilingus." After a few minutes or so of practice he finally masters the phonetics. As we are walking out of the library and back to class I say one last thing to him about our discussion, "Just to make sure, next time you see this girl. Why don't you ask her if you can perform fellatio on her. If she says yes, forget about her! She is too stupid to mess with."
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