"Astle, do me a favor and cup your hands together. I have something I want to give you." I should have known better, but that's the problem with being dumb. You don't know when you should have known better. "What do you have to give me Arthole?" I say as I couple my hands together and put them out in front of him. "I promise you're going to love it," he tells me as he grabs both of my hands by the wrist. "Get ready, here it comes," he makes a number of swishing sounds with his mouth and then proceeds to spit a stream of chewing tobacco saliva six inches long into the middle of my cupped hands. "Thanks for helping me out buddy. I really appreciate it," he tells me as he is walking away laughing.
A few weeks after the incident I am standing in Shop class sanding a piece of wood with a dip in my mouth that would choke an alligator. I look across the shop floor and just so happen to see Arthole hunched over screwing a couple of pieces of wood together. His position at the time was causing a big time plumber's crack to show. After seeing this, I immediately thought about him clowning me a few weeks ago. "I got you now you son of a bitch!" Those were my exact thoughts as I crept up behind him. I then swish the Skoal I had in my mouth around a few times in order to build up as much saliva as possible. And without a moments hesitation I spit a tidal wave of tobacco infested saliva directly at the top of his exposed ass crack.
"What the fuck," he says as he comes off of his haunches to a direct stand. What happens next will forever be burned into my memory until my dying day. He reaches down the backside of his pants to see exactly what had happened. He then feels around for a minute; pulls his hand out, sticks it directly in front of his face and yells - "You motherfucker! I am going to fucking kill you!" I take off running across the shop floor with him in hot pursuit. Just about the time we were getting ready to come to blows the instructor walks in. "Is there a problem here gentlemen?" He says in a stern voice. "No problem," both of say in unison. He then asks the instructor if he may get a pass to use the restroom. The instructor obliges. Five minutes or so pass and he returns to class. "Astle, you motherfucker! I had to throw away my underwear because it was caked in Skoal spit. I am going to get you back for this!" I politely remind him that it was he who started it and I was merely evening things.
After a few more minutes of staring each other down, he says this to me. "OK, let's just call it even." I was good with that. He then says, "Let's shake on it." I put my hand out and he grabs it firmly. I then say, "We are even now. No more pranks on each other." He looks at me with a devilish smile and says, "Sounds good to me." The bell rings and class is over. As I am walking through the halls of Madison High to my next class, I feel a swift kick to my ass from another friend of mine. I didn't think much of it. And then another friend kicks me in the ass. I didn't think much of that either. After the fourth time, I started to wonder what was going on. So I reach behind my back and sure enough - Arthole had taped a sign to me that read - "Kick Me! I am stupid!"
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